The Pursuit of drunkiness...

Before you just decide that I must be some alcoholic... I must have some problem, let me explain. You see, I have not had a sip of alcohol in 3 months, 3 weeks and 1 day (but who's counting, right??) My new sober lifestyle is certainly not by choice... hence my current state... the pursuit of drunkiness. Maybe I'm getting ahead of myself. It was 3 months, 3 weeks and 1 day ago that I learned I had a blood clot the size of Texas growing in my left leg (nicknamed by my friend "R" Big Daddy). But Big Daddy wasn't alone... two of his little friends had broken off and traveled to my right lung (dubbed Bert & Ernie). Consequently, I ended up in the hospital for 6 days and things in my life changed drastically! Immediately I had to quit smoking, stop taking birth control pills and start blood thinners (by IV while I was in the hospital, pills now that I'm out). And those blood thinners mean no drinking!! It's a situation that has definitely changed my life... and made me crazy. Sometimes I wonder if I really do have a problem. Because otherwise, why is this not drinking thing so difficult. But then I think it's really more than that. It's that so many things I was dependent on in one way or another, were taken away from me... all at the same time. It's enough to drive anyone crazy. So back to my pursuit of drunkiness... I feel like my goal these days... is to just make it through, get healthy and hurry up and make it to the point in my life where I can start drinking again. The point where I no longer have to be on these blood thinners. I look at that day as the day that I'll be able to go back to that comfortable life I had before I almost died. I truly believe on that day I will no longer be crazy. Is that really going to happen?? I don't know... maybe it's wishful thinking. But it's all I have right now. It's the day I dream about... the day I can't wait for... the day I will be re-born and my pursuit of drunkiness... will end!