Too Available

Dating downfalls... I just read this great blog by my good friend "J" all about her problem when it comes to dating... her attraction to unavailable men. She's totally right on about everything she said... and don't worry, I will get back to her. But first, it got me thinking about me. And I think that I have always been too available. I always totally put myself out there, holding nothing back, expecting the best. I am the stereotypical dating optimist. But I hide it pretty well. For the majority of my dating career (Yes, it is a career. It is hard work... and dammit we should get paid for what we put up with on some dates!) I pretended that it didn't really matter... if he called, if we went out again, if it was yet another one-night stand. I pretended like I was in control, when in reality, I was always hoping that this guy would be different, this guy would turn into the one. This would be that one story... you know that one that every girl tells about her friend who met her husband in a bar, on a one-night stand and now they are happily married. My mind calls bullshit, but my heart was always secretly hoping it could be true. I think that's why I never held back. I never wanted to miss the one, I was always afraid if I didn't take this opportunity... that I may never find my true love. It's a theory that may make you vomit, in fact I'm a little disgusted at myself... but it has just always been the way I have worked. So consequently, there were quite a few... more times than I can count... that I got hurt, hoping this guy was different, this guy would call, this guy would stick around, this guy would be the one. Actually, that's why I think I don't really know exactly how many guys I have slept with. After they burned me, I burned them out of my brain. It was easier that way. Especially when your game is to pretend like you don't care. You can't let anyone see that along the way, you may be hurting. So, yes. I think "J" is totally right. We do all have our emotional, dating drawbacks. The things that sometimes hold us back. Do I think they will prevent us from finding our "true loves"? Hell fucking no. But I do think, that as friends, it is our job to call our friends out... I am always pushing "J" to just give it a chance. And I have had many friends along the line that have had to tell me to "give it up" or realize that he was "just not ever going to be worth it". Bottom line, we all have obstacles to overcome and as we all know... every date is an experience. Hell, the worst thing that could happen is they end up here... right???