Marriage Secrets

What makes a marriage last? And not just last... but happy? These are questions I have been pondering and not just because I am home visiting my parents who have been married for more than 30 years... and certainly don't always have a happy marriage. They bicker and pick on each other and sometimes, I think, intentionally piss each other off. Or my newly married friends, who seemed to have the perfect relationship and are having problems now, not problems that would break up their marriage, but things are no longer perfect. Then there is my two girlfriends who each got married and divorced in a year. I'm just wondering, does marriage ruin the relationship?? Can things be all fine and dandy until you throw that marriage thing in there? I know relationships are not all fun and games. I understand there are fights, tears and words you wish you could take back. But, I guess my question is, do the trying times get enhanced once you slip the wedding band on?? Is is because we stop trying so hard? Now we have the guy/girl and so we don't have to impress as much (bring flowers, remember to compliment, listen). Or perhaps those fights were happening all along behind the scenes. Perhaps when people get married, they just get vocal about their problems. You always hear men or women bitching about their spouses, like it's funny. It's a joke. Bottom line is... I don't want to be one of those couples... married or not... laughing about how much I dislike my partner. I don't expect things to be roses and sunshine always, but I do want to love the man that I am with for the rest of my life. I want to be happy with him for the rest of my life. I want to feel lucky to have him for the rest of my life. I want to remember how I feel about him now... forever. Can that be done?? What is the secret to a happy marriage???