Aloha!

Not as in hello... but as in goodbye. I have the next week off of work... supposedly to go to Hawaii with my boyfriend, except there's a hitch. WE HAVE NO MONEY. I don't even know how I'm going to pay my bills this month. So I had to make a decision. Leaving town isn't just finding money for a plane ticket, my dogs have to be kenneled... and that practically doubles the cost of your trip. So now, I am staying and saying aloha to my boyfriend, who will be going back to help with a catering (and make money) and see his brother and twin nephews and all his friends. And I will be left here for four days... all by myself.. here's the kicker.. with no boyfriend... no work.. nothing to do.. and no money to make something happen. I am devastated. Don't get me wrong, I am so glad my boyfriend gets to go home, see his family and friends, have some good down time, AND MAKE MONEY!!! But what is my already depressed, fat ass going to do without him?? I'm just really sad... I'm sad that my boyfriend is going to be gone for 4 days (I don't think I realized until now how attached I have become to him) and I'm sad because he is going to get to do all the fun vacation things without me... and I will be here... alone... with my boys... whom I love don't get me wrong. I am just so sad at the prospect of being alone... Aloha!!

2008- A Look Back

So I was sitting here thinking back on 2008 when I realized what a life-changing year this had been for me...
I nearly died
I had to quit drinking, smoking & birth control, all on the same day
I started having anxiety attacks-daily
I began having the worst PMS ever
Then I got horrible, horrible cramps
Along came the migranes
And the slew of ever-changing medications to try to cure my craziness.
Of course all of this came at a price- a very steep price- so for the first time ever, I went into debt (a place I am very uncomfortable being)
Then in this failing economy we were told no raises, no bonuses, just be lucky we have jobs!
And of course, I can't forget somewhere in the middle of all of that, I met the love of my life- the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. What a year!!!
I just wanted to take a minute to thank the people who have been there through it all... my friends and family, who were there when I was in pain and listened to me bitch, rushed to and never left my hospital bedside, filled the room with flowers, but more importantly gave me the support and love that I so needed at that time. And then in the weeks and months after, when it was like one blow after another, when it seemed like I should be getting better but instead always had a new problem, they were always there to listen to me. And I know so many times I was such a bitch to be around and they never compained (at least not to my face ;-)
Thank you all for being there for me... you know I have such high expectations for all of my friends, you have surpassed them and it will NEVER be forgotten.
To my boyfriend, the love of my life, my rock. The man who the first night I hung out with him, I had a massive anxiety attack and spilled it all... all about how crazy I was. Instead of running (probably like he should have) he rubbed my back and told me it was going to be okay. He still does that to this day. Before we even met, when we were just talking on the phone, that's when I was hospitalized, he sent a real fresh freezer-packed lei to the hospital for me. I couldn't even describe to you how supportive he has been of me and all my pu-pule pills (pu-pule is crazy in Hawaiian!!) And no one has gotten the wrath of my PMS worse than him. I don't know how I would have made it through this year without him. I can't think about trying to make it through this year without him.
I know I am not perfect- I mean I am perfect (insert your laughter) but we are still working on fixing my craziness. I feel like we are finally on the right path, and I just hope you all know that I could NOT have gotten here without you, your love and your support. Whether you knew it your not, there were days I wanted to quit, days I was so frustrated, days I was so over feeling crazy, or being in pain and then one of you, without even knowing, would do something nice and remind me what I was fighting for. I LOVE YOU ALL MORE THAN YOU WILL EVER KNOW. I don't have family here... you all are my family... Thank from the bottom of my heart for making what could have been a devestating year.. bearable!

Titties & Turkey

So tonight, I celebrated Thanksgiving. Yes I know it is 5 days early, but when you work in a business that sees no such thing as a holiday, you have to be creative. So a girl from work decided to set up this whole pot-luck Thanksgiving. At first, I hesitated about participating, in fact, I think she had to send me like 3 emails to get me to respond. Finally, I asked what I had to bring. She said a salad and utinsils. I was in. I mean I can do a salad. Really, I was just worried they would expect some real cooking out of me and hello?? We all know that does not happen. Moving on... I arrive for our pot-luck Thanksgiving to find a mish-mash of people from work (I mean, all the cool people, but quite an eccletic group). It's perfect! We all sit down to enjoy our home cooked (in about 8 different homes) meal. At first, there is a bit of silence, but then we find our groove. And I found that it wasn't that different than any other family Thanksgiving I had been to. We all went around and said what we were thankful for. We all pooked fun at each other. (Poor J got it so bad because she was wearing a see-through shirt, but then proceeded to tell everyone that she had "tried to cover the girls up". Of course, we couldn't let it go. I was wearing a low cut shirt, perhaps showing the girls off even more than J, but it was just the "I tried to cover them up" thing that sealed her fate. Needless to say, she was badgered enough that she changed her shirt, a move I consider surrendering and a stance I would never take, especially when engaged in a boob-war. But to each their own... right?) There were several hilarious moments... mostly started by inappropriate comments. At one point, I went to take the trash out and almost ate shit over one of J's three doggie gates... (P.S. She is like psycho dog mom, afraid at any moment her baby will escape. Tonight I asked her what she was going to do if she had kids. She said I don't know but you are supposed to watch them at all times!! Man she cracks me up.) I was laughing hysterically. I had only one glass of wine, but it totally brought me back to my fall down the stairs that started the demise of my life. I shouldn't laugh, but at this point what else are you going to do. Then... there was my covert operation with Ace to get my folding chairs out the front door... the front door that has not one, but two signs that says you can't use it... again because of J's fear that her dog will make a run for it. And finally... there was the moment with R by the fire pit. I was showing her all the new pictures of the twins... and without thinking, I flipped to the next picture, which happened to be a topless picture of me, that I had sent to my boyfriend. All I could say was "Uh, oh!!" We laughed so hard my stomach hurt.
Tonight I realized when you become our age, and live as far away from family as many of us do, you need to rely on the people around you, especially during the holidays. Tonight I realized Thanksgiving can be just as dysfunctional, even if there is no family involved. Tonight I realized it's not so much about the food (although it was fantastic)... but more about the company... the conversation... the laughs.
It's a celebration I hope we make a tradition... and therefore, one that needs a name. My vote was Titties & Turkey. But of course, it's up for discussion... if you have something better... throw it out there. And if I missed any of the hilarious moments (there were so many), this is your time to share. Bottom line thanks for the food...the fun... and the friendship.