Handicapped Crusade

I've taken up a new mission in life, to educate those of you who have never had to deal with being handicapped. And since my little ordeal, I can not tell you how appalled I am, about parking, people, and attitudes. So I'm taking up the handicapped accessible crusade... and I'm not going to stop bitching until I get some action. For instance, the gas station by my house thinks it is doing its part by having two handicapped parking spots, but they are at the end of the building. And the only ramp to get up is at the end of the building, every where else it's this giant curb of death. Who puts handicapped parking spots farthest away from the door? Everyone knows that fully defeats the purpose!!! Irritating. I might be banning you, QT on Greenfield just south of the US 60. That's right, I just called you out... What are ya gonna do about it??? And then, there are the people. Some just see you on crutches or a scooter, obviously handicapped and still let the door close right in front of you. Others watch you try to empty your basket of groceries on your rascal scooter at the store (it's embarrassing enough that I had to ride that thing) onto the check out belt, knowing you are having a hard time reaching the front of the basket and still don't offer to help. HELLO!!! What has happened to compassion, humanity, being nice? But the thing that really put me over the edge was when I went to meet some friends for happy hour the other night at this bar. I know they have two handicapped spots in this lot next to the bar, otherwise you have to park on the street and walk. So I pull into the lot and both handicapped spots are taken. And then I look closely and realize that the car parked in the second handicapped spot, isn't even handicapped. They don't have a handicapped plate or a decal. So now I'm really pissed... I have to go park way down the street and limp my way into the bar, because this asshole has decided that handicapped people don't go out to the bar. On my very long and slow walk, I thought about all the things I would say to this asshole. And then I thought about writing them a note and leaving it on the car, but I really didn't want to take time out of my night, just to teach some douche bag (Can we agree on douche bag here frenemy?? I really think it applies!!!) a lesson. So I've come up with a new plan. I'm going to write a letter and make copies and just carry them around in my car, so I can just leave them and move on with my life without wasting anytime.
Here's my rough draft...

Dear Handicapped Parking Spot Stealer,
You or someone you know and love has obviously never needed to use one of these parking spots because otherwise there is no way you would be so arrogant as to think that you have a right to park in this spot. I don't care what your excuse is, it is not good enough. Be thankful you don't need to use this spot and then realize that there are hundreds of thousands of people out there who do and have the decency and the common courtesy to stay out of the spots that are designated to make their already difficult lives, just a little bit easier. If I were you, I would feel ashamed. And I would certainly hope that I wasn't watching you get into your car right now.
Have a wonderful day!

So... What do you think??
If you care to join the crusade and carry letters in your car too I could use all the soldiers I can get!!!

"You should really smile"

By far the worst pick-up line EVER. Listen up men/boys/drunken idiots. It's time to throw this line away. We ALL hate it. And I have NEVER seen it work. So last night I'm at this new bar and some drunken idiot decided to try it on me. From across the patio bar he shouts, "You need to smile." Okay let me tell you what is wrong with that sentence. First, don't ever tell me what I need to do. And second, it's like saying there is something wrong with me the way I am now. I'm already put off and you are across the room. So I respond. "I hate it when people say that." Call me a bitch, I think I'm doing this guy a favor (and now so are all of you who are about to pass it on to your brother, co-worker or friend who just refuses to give up the smile line). You would think maybe that would shut this guy down... but oh no, he's persistent. He says, "You're just not smiling now." To which I respond, "Well I'm not mad and I'm not pouting so I don't know what you want from me". He takes this as an invitation to come over and talk to us... yes I'm for real. When douche bag (I think I can call this guy douche bag, don't you frenemy???- If you are lost read the next blog...) arrives, he says, "I didn't say you were pouting, it's just that about five minutes ago you were totally smiling and you have a beautiful smile." Then he looks at my friend R "I mean you have a nice smile too, but her smile is gorgeous." I respond with my fakest "Thank you, that's really so sweet. You're so nice." And then after a moment of silence he says, "Well, I'm gonna go." Of course R and I didn't try to stop him. Then R looks at me and asks the question... THE QUESTION... "What did he expect? You to say, 'Oh thank you, Fuck me now!'" So men still using that line, what do you expect? It sounds more like a command than a compliment so I am immediately turned off... and never, ever tell me what to do. Therefore, the way I see it, this is a line that is never, ever getting you laid!

Douche Bag vs. Dick Head

Did you know there was a difference?? I didn't really either, but my new frenemy made that abundantly clear last night. Let me start at the beginning... so my friend (real friend) wanted us to go meet this new guy she is interested in at some unheard of bar. We, being the loyal girlfriends that we are, of course said yes. So we get there. And her boy toy, his brother, and their two friends are already there. We immediately lose our one friend to the infatuation conversation. So R and I decide to try and be nice and strike up a friendly convo of our own with his friends. Bad idea!! The frenemy is basically acting like a douche bag, which I of course tell him. He says it's all part of the game to make his friend look good. We tell him it is definitely working. He gets pissed off. So now we have to make nice. So R tells him it's okay, I'm a bitch. I agree, he agrees and now we are all friends again. For a second... then the frenemy decides to totally insult our job, something I find no humor in... and I decide I am over him and the exhausting conversation. So R and I are talking amongst ourselves when his so-called "nice" friend (I call bullshit... he's a total player hiding in sheep's clothing!!!) says "frenemy" has something to say to us. He half-ass apologizes for insulting our job but says that it's all because we called him a douche bag and he is NOT a douche bag, he is a dick head. I, trying not to laugh, ask what the difference is. He then, very seriously, explains to me that there is a HUGE DIFFERENCE. A douche bag is someone who is a loser all the time. They have nothing going for them in all aspects of their life. A dick head is someone who can turn their douche bag behavior on and off. "Oh well now I see," I pretend to care. "I promise that from now on "frenemy", I will always refer to you as a dick head and never a douche bag. I really apologize." So then "frenemy" and I were back on each other's good side... at least for another 5 minutes. The length we have to go to sometimes to stroke a man's ego... ridiculous!