2 years of hell

That's what my life has been... 2 years of hell. (Insert you little violin, playing a little song just for me, but this is my blog and I'm still going to bitch if you don't like it... stop reading now! Keep reading, maybe you might relate!) It all started in April of 2007 when I fell down the stairs drunk in a pair of too tall heels. Who knew a simple little ankle injury would fuck up my life. A month and several misdiagnosis later, I was in the hospital with a blood clot the size of Texas in my leg (stop me if you've heard this one!) and two small clots (thank god they were small) in my right lung (we nicknamed them Bert & Ernie). After 6 days in the hospital, a few days on complete bedrest I was ready to go home... to my brand new life with a clotting disorder. No more birth control, no more smoking, coumadin for at least 6 months, and no drinking. HELL!! Take away the birth control, and I get SEVERE PMS... AND HORRENDOUS CRAMPS. Then came the mental effects of nearly dying. Severe anxiety attacks... depression... a psychiatrist diagnosed me with mild depression, post traumatic stress disorder, anxiety disorder and panic disorder. That came with a couple of medications to control my panic attacks and mood swings and such. Of course, it took time to find the ones that actually worked for me. And then came the migraines. Headaches like I have never expierenced before... usually around the same time I would get severe PMS. Sometimes so badly I couldn't see straight. As the months went on, they came more and more frequently. And then... just when I thought I was getting my mental health in order... I fell down some stairs (yes, I know, AGAIN) while in Hawaii on vacation with my boyfriend. This time, I couldn't just bruise a bone... I really went all the way. I got myself a spiral fracture of both bones in my ankle... basically I broke it in 3 places requiring surgery... a plate... 6 screws and 2 pins to repair it. It also meant that I had to be completely off my ankle for the next 6 weeks... then in a walking cast for 5 weeks. You should have seen me scooting up and down my stairs on my butt for weeks on end. It was by far the worst pain I have ever endured.. and the biggest pain in the ass. You just don't realize how much you need a leg until it is taken away! So now that that's taken care of... let's get back to those pesky migraines that still have not gone away... and did I mention are just getting more and more frequent. I saw doctor after doctor... who put me on migraine medicine after migraine medicine... all without success. I saw a neurologist who sent me for an MRI which showed nothing... and then he put me on yet another migraine medicine which of course didn't work. So when I finally got a migraine for 6 weeks straight... I decided to take some drastic steps. I went to this center where they do injections to treat chronic pain... actual shots into your head, neck, shoulders, back. They are a sort of anti-inflamatory that when injected works to soothe nerves and muscles. Also I started going to a chiropractor, who x-rayed my back and showed me how messed up it really was... requiring treatments 3x a week. So while I am trying to make myself healthier... I get yet another setback... this time from work. All of this is 1 year and 10 months. And that's just the health stuff....
Let us not forget about my several car troubles costing a couple thousand dollars... one time leaving me stranded on the side of the freeway... an accident on Thanksgiving that was ruled my fault and resulted in a nice ticket for me... my several photo radar tickets...
And of course, my always tight financial situation, due mostly to my never ending medical bills.
I now see a therapist about once every 2 weeks.
A chiropractor 3 times a week.
My pain injection doctor once every 2 weeks.
My pychiatrist once every 6-8 weeks.
All in an effort to get control of my health, my life.
But it just seems like everytime I get a handle on one thing, something else pops up... everytime it seems like my life is finally getting on the right track.. heading out of hell, someone or something derails me.

Shortie: Photo Radar Vandalism

So yesterday a photo radar camera van was vandalized, right by my crazy doctor's office. I happened to have an appointment that morning, and saw the van on my way there (oh I saw it, had to slam on my brakes). Now we all know how I feel about photo radar, but I just want to clear the record. I DID NOT DO IT. It didn't even ticket me. If I was going to vandalize any photo radar camera, it would be the one that popped me last Thursday... the one that I know is there, I was just fucking distracted, dammit!!! Once again, for the record, I DID NOTHING TO THAT CAMERA. I am however awaiting yet another photo radar ticket that I will magically not get (wink, wink).

The Devil... Part Dos

The devil strikes again...
This is a very serious warning for all you valley drivers. Pay close attention or else you may end get caught up in the viscious trap of the devil just like I did. (For those of you new to my blog, you should really go back and read The Devil... Part Uno. It was in August... way back in the day. J knows how to link to things like that, but we all know I'm not that computer savvy, so don't be f-ing lazy... click on August... and then The Devil... and then we'll all be up to speed.) Speed... interesting... because as we all know, that is all the devil cares about these days. So here's my new photo radar run-in. I'm on my way to work today because I got called in to produce the 9. Good times already, right? I'm on the I-10, right before you get to the ramp to get on the 51. I, of course, having already made this trip like 300 times since they started installing these devil followers, also known as photo radar cameras, know that there is a fixed camera coming up on my right hand side. I also know that it tries to trap you because that is an area that goes from 65... to 55... with almost no warning. I laugh in the devils face... I'm too smart for you... I know exactly what's coming... and then I see a flash. WTF?? I look left... Those bastards have put a mobile photo radar van on the left hand side of the road... literally 50 yards in front of the stationary photo radar unit. They have done it just to catch me. They are on to me and my sneaky ways. I know when they are coming and so I always slow down to just under where the camera snaps (See I also know how fast I can be going... you should know too. In a 65mph zone the camera snaps at 76. In a 55 mph zone the camera snaps at 65.) So they put the f-ing mobile van just before where I would have slowed down to avoid the photo radar ticket all together. (Let me just make one thing clear here... I am not one of those people who slams on their brakes the minute they see photo radar. In fact I hate those people, those people are a danger to the roads. You don't have to slow down to five miles under the speed limit when you pass the photo radar. They do not give out gold stars for going super slow. You only need to ease off the gas enough to make sure you are under the clicking speed. If anyone needs lessons, I'd be happy to take you out.) Anyway, my point to you all is this... it is obvious the devil is after me. Now I am doing my best to avoid his fiery photos, but you could be next. Save yourself!! I am warning you... this devil has no kryptonite.

The Devil...

Watch out... there is a new devil in town... hiding in a little box... lurking behind a stop light.. or on the side of the road. It sneaks up on you... striking quickly... blinding you... and then retreating as just as fast as it came. It... is photo radar. The biggest big brother there is. That conspiracy theory that someone is always watching. Well they are!! But really, it's not that part that bothers me most. What really bothers me... is that I am not a bad driver. I am very safe and responsible. I mean I have places to go and people to see... I move. But it seems like every photo radar camera in the valley is out to get me. It's bullshit!! So the latest demon to capture my soul... I mean photo... was at a stop light just a mile from my house. It "claimed" I ran a red light... I say it was orange at best. This is what I know, if I would have tried to stop... I would have had to slam on my brakes... and that could have caused an accident!!! But now, I have yet another photo radar ticket to try and duck. So at what point does this "devil" dub you a danger to the roads... at what point will the process servers just camp outside my house?? My warning to all of you... you never know where the devil will be hiding next. So be careful... el diablo could be targeting you... with the goal of making your life... hell!