T-Minus 17 Hours To Invasion...

I am just 17 short (LONGEST HOURS OF MY LIFE) away from meeting my boyfriend. We are picking up his truck in L.A. and then driving home... together... to our home... where we will be living and no one will be leaving. I feel like I have been waiting for this day to come for so long. I am so excited and so nervous all at the same time. Not about my decision, or his decision. I just want him to be happy. I want to make him happy and I am so afraid that living with me, really being with me will pop this pretty little bubble he has of who I am. I know I haven't been anyone but myself with him. And I know that he knows more than anyone my struggles. I guess what my problem is... is that I can't quite understand why he loves me so much still. Why he still thinks I'm so amazing and wonderful and is willing to move 3000 miles away from everything he knows... for me... this crazy, unstable, bitchy girl. I love him even more for loving me like that. But I think I am just afraid that like every other man in my life (except my dad) he is going to disappoint. He is going to realize, I am just too much too handle, too difficult, too overwhelming... and bail. I feel like that is what they have all done. I feel like that is what people at work think about me... what some of my closest (or once closest friends) think about me... even perhaps what my therapist thinks about me. I am an overwhelming nut job!! Here's what I know... I love him more than I have ever loved any person. I need him in my life. I can't wait to share the rest of my life with him. And all I can do, is hope that he thinks my quirks... my craziness, my wackiness is as cute in person, as he has for all these months over the phone. He is my soul mate... I hope he knows it, feels it, wants it, just as badly as I do.

Minutes...

I've been waiting for this day for so long, it feels like forever. (Really it's been 4 months... 120 days... 2880 hours... 172800 minutes... you get the idea). Sometimes it seemed so far away I thought it would never come, sometimes I thought there was no way in hell I could make it, sometimes I dreamed it was already here. And now here it is, and I feel like a ball of emotions. I'm so excited, so excited to finally be with him, feel his arms around me, kiss him, hold him, smell him, talk to him face to face. So excited to show him my world, for him to really be a part of my life. But at the same time, I'm a little afraid. What if the real life relationship, isn't as good as the phone romance. What if he isn't as attracted to me, or I to him? What if the real sex isn't as good as the phone sex? What if he gets here and we have nothing more to say? What if the sparks that I felt falling in love with him over the phone, don't exist in the real world? What if I created this whole romance in my head, what if it really isn't there? I know it sounds silly, but in my head everything is perfect (at least as perfect as things can be). We are meant to be together. We figure out a way to make our two lives one... we are soul mates. This is the first real test of that theory. And I am so afraid it will just turn out to be wishful thinking. You know how sometimes things are so great, you are afraid to move, or change for fear it will all fall apart?? Like athletes who wear the same socks til they lose. We are just so good, so in love long distance, I don't want it to all come tumbling down. I know it's crazy and that if we really are soul mates, it will be even better in person. This will only make our love stronger, but I'm still kind of nervous. In three short hours I will know. I will know the minute I see him, the minute I touch him, the minute I kiss him. They are the minutes I have been counting down to for 4 long months. The minutes I can simply not wait for... the minutes that I hope last forever.