Betrayed

Betrayed... I think at least in my most recent dealings, there is no worse feeling, nothing worse you can do to a person/friend than to betray them. I Unfortunately or maybe fortunately, however you wish to look at it, I have realized that I haven't just been betrayed by one person I thought I could trust... thought was my friend, but at least two. The wounds in my back are deep. It's a pain unlike anything I've felt in years. I just don't "let people in". I don't just make anyone my friend. I have very high standards. In return, I hope that I always return those standards for my friends. But what I have now realized is that something else... something non-friendship related has become more important than I have. And sad but true, in this case, in these times, I think it it may be economic security. These people have been going behind my back... threatening my livelihood... without allowing me a say at all!!!!!!! My job is my life... I love what I do... but right now... I hate going to work. It truly is a sad situation. Everyday I feel like the majority of the people are out to get me. And on top of that, my friends have decided that saving their own asses have become more important than being honest with me about what is going on with mine. It's a position I hope I never sell myself in to....

Tough Times? Not wiping my ass!!!

So the other day I get this e-mail at work, and it's from one of our maintenence guys about how they were installing new toilet paper dispensers in the bathrooms. And soon we would be getting new paper towel dispensers, you know the kind you just wave your hand under and the paper towel automatically comes out. I blow it off, until today... I'm shi shi-ing (that's peeing in Hawaiian!!) and I go to get some toilet paper and realize I'm pulling it from a brand new dispenser. And then it hits me. Just a couple weeks ago we had this nice little meeting to talk about how the economy sucks... and so we should not expect raises. And they were going to ask the people who had raises built into their contracts (not me) to forgo them this year. There was also some talk (behind the scenes) that perhaps another round of layoffs would be coming next year. So basically, I realized. We somehow have money to make sure the toilet paper I wipe my ass with and the paper towels I dry my hands on come from the finest of machines, but we don't have the money to give our people (who P.S. are already under paid... and struggling) a raise. I think this is nothing less than a bunch of waha nui (that's Hawaiian for bullshit). We don't need an ice cream social once a month... or even a bar-b-que. We need money to pay our bills and buy our friends and family presents this holiday season. These "tough times" don't just effect our station. They are affecting our lives. And we should know... we do stories about it every day. So all I'm saying is... I was perfectly fine getting my toilet paper from the slightly g-hetto t-p dispensers, but really, big thanks for making that job easier. Now if I could just figure out how to pay my mortgage.....

"F" the economy

Is it just me, or is anyone else already feeling the stress of the holidays? Not because the decorations are already starting to emerge (hello, people can we at least get through Thanksgiving??), but more because this year I have no idea how the hell I am going to pull Christmas off. I can barely pull my bills off... I am in debt for the first time in my life (and just getting deeper p.s.)... I've just been told by work not to expect anything in the line of a raise this year (but I should consider myself very lucky to still have a job)... and one of my credit cards just got cancelled (for no reason other than the credit card industry is so bad that the entire company went under!!!) Did I mention I decided to buy a house and have a mortgage, make a 25 mile drive to and from work, get a blood clot that landed me in the hospital for 6 days... and has me paying a ridiculous amount of medical bills (think in the thousands) and then I fell in love long distance!!! Seriously, I wouldn't give him up for the world, but hello? Long distance love is pricey!! So now he's paying for my next trip to visit. You may be saying "how sweet" or "isn't she lucky" (and I am), but that is just not in my DNA to allow someone to pay for me, to have to rely on someone else to be able to do what I want. So back to the issue at hand. I have been trying to come up with creative, thoughtful, cheap gifts for my family since love is just about all I can afford these days. There are several problems with this... first, I am not artistic so making something is really scary... and second, giving a gift that someone is going to not just like, but love, something that shows them that I really know who they are and what they like, has always been really important to me. Now try to do that on a budget?! Bottom line... like everything else in my life, I'll make it happen or fake it trying. But... I just have to say this... trying to make "dollars and sense" when "money really matters" is harder than I had hoped. So in the meantime, I'll add it to my list of "things to worry about". All I have to say is "F" the economy!!!