Betrayed

Betrayed... I think at least in my most recent dealings, there is no worse feeling, nothing worse you can do to a person/friend than to betray them. I Unfortunately or maybe fortunately, however you wish to look at it, I have realized that I haven't just been betrayed by one person I thought I could trust... thought was my friend, but at least two. The wounds in my back are deep. It's a pain unlike anything I've felt in years. I just don't "let people in". I don't just make anyone my friend. I have very high standards. In return, I hope that I always return those standards for my friends. But what I have now realized is that something else... something non-friendship related has become more important than I have. And sad but true, in this case, in these times, I think it it may be economic security. These people have been going behind my back... threatening my livelihood... without allowing me a say at all!!!!!!! My job is my life... I love what I do... but right now... I hate going to work. It truly is a sad situation. Everyday I feel like the majority of the people are out to get me. And on top of that, my friends have decided that saving their own asses have become more important than being honest with me about what is going on with mine. It's a position I hope I never sell myself in to....

Here Today, Gone Tomorrow

It's amazing how quickly our lives can change, whether we are prepared or not prepared, have advanced warning or not, see it coming or are totally blindsided... life changes happen in an instant and in my experience, most often when we are not looking. That's what happened to me this week. I was hit by a Mac Truck and lost one of my best friends at work. And even though I knew it was a possibility, I totally didn't see it coming. It was like I was walking blindly through traffic... knowing I could get hit, but just hoping I wouldn't. If you are thinking, well it wasn't you so what's the big deal? Then I am thinking either you A. Have never been through this or B. Have no real close friends at work. It is a loss.... an unexplainable, unfulfillable loss. Am I surprised by how hard I am taking it? Absolutely! But then again, I had no idea I would ever be here either. I feel cheated. I am extremely angry. I feel betrayed by the people I thought I should have been able to trust. How do you get over those feelings? How do you just let that go? How do you move on, when you know they fucked up?? They dropped the ball and let go one of our biggest assets. How do you go back to putting your heart and soul into what you do everyday, no questions asked, no complaints?? How do you go back to loving your job when you are hating what your workplace has done??