Standing a chance....

Do you know who you can trust? Do you know who really has your back? Do you know who is really on your side? Do you know who will still be there for you when the chips are down?? Do you know who will stand up for you when the "really important" people have turned their backs? I used to think I knew. I used to be sure who was going to be there for me... who would always have my back. But I have since learned, I was totally wrong on a lot of fronts. Now, the people I can trust are few and far between. The people I can count on... I can count on one hand. The people I consider true friends, the ones I believe probably didn't sell me out the first chance they had, are far out-weighed by those that did. It's sad but true. It's something that I am trying to come to terms with. Something that I am trying to understand. It's a dog-eat-dog world and friendships just don't stand a chance.

Trust...

"I'm not ready to talk"
If only it were that easy. For a 3 year old, that is accepted, but in my world, HELL NO!!
Let me explain... that was the exact response this morning from my friend's 3-year-old... but in all fairness, she has just spent a week without her mom.
Bottom line for me... kids are adorable... I love to hold them, feed them, rock them, love them, but I am certainly not ready to have them!!!
COPY??? I AM NOT READY TO HAVE THEM!!
Right now, I am committed to my work... my job that I love. But I also fear is in danger... danger because for some reason the people I have trusted most, have turned against me...
But that's not even an issue... because there is so much more with my health that has to go in to having a baby... but that's not even worth the fight... so we will move on..
And I will, as I have promised to do, learn more about those people who I can trust and those I can not...

Betrayed

Betrayed... I think at least in my most recent dealings, there is no worse feeling, nothing worse you can do to a person/friend than to betray them. I Unfortunately or maybe fortunately, however you wish to look at it, I have realized that I haven't just been betrayed by one person I thought I could trust... thought was my friend, but at least two. The wounds in my back are deep. It's a pain unlike anything I've felt in years. I just don't "let people in". I don't just make anyone my friend. I have very high standards. In return, I hope that I always return those standards for my friends. But what I have now realized is that something else... something non-friendship related has become more important than I have. And sad but true, in this case, in these times, I think it it may be economic security. These people have been going behind my back... threatening my livelihood... without allowing me a say at all!!!!!!! My job is my life... I love what I do... but right now... I hate going to work. It truly is a sad situation. Everyday I feel like the majority of the people are out to get me. And on top of that, my friends have decided that saving their own asses have become more important than being honest with me about what is going on with mine. It's a position I hope I never sell myself in to....