The day we stop learning...

You've heard the phrase "the day we stop learning is the day we die". Well, I'm going to change that a little bit, I think it should be "the day we stop learning about ourselves is the day we die". I have just learned a big lesson about myself. Sometimes I let my emotions get in the way of doing what is the most productive thing to get the end result that I want. Sometimes I need to swallow my pride or my hurt and simply ask for what I need, say what I want. I have realized now, had I done that, I may have avoided a lot of hurt and I may have actually gotten what I really wanted a lot sooner. I am an emotional person by nature... it's part of what makes me great and part of what brings me down. The hard part is finding the balance in my daily life. It is something I think I have been working on my entire life, but obviously something I have not mastered. I am still learning about myself... what I am great at and what I need to do better. I hope I never stop trying to be a better person... and I hope I never forget... to look for the lesson.

I Hate Crazy!

I hate being angry. I hate being irritated. I hate anxiety. But most of all, I hate that I can't control it... any of it. It is the most frustrating feeling ever! Have you ever felt your self getting irritated and irrational? Have you ever felt yourself teetering on the edge of the crazy mountain... realizing you were about to tumble over the side and still not being able to stop it? As if crazy, angry, over-the-top emotions weren't enough... now I can't even find a way to get it in check. It's enough to make a crazy person, crazier! I feel bad for the people that have to deal with me. Especially those who are closest to me, because, inevitably, I end up taking it out on them. And I can see myself doing it... but still I can't stop it. It's like I'm watching my crazy life on tv... I'm watching myself be a bitch to everyone around me. I'm watching me flip out about the littlest thing. I'm watching me get irritated over nothing. And as much as I want me to get it together... I just can't make me do it. I think having the ability to see myself clearly is way worse. You know those people who are annoying but have no idea? Those people who are obnoxious, but think everyone likes them? The people who think they are hilarious, but really they are offensive? Those people are lucky. At least they can continue living their life in their own little "I rock" bubble. I, on the other hand, don't have that luxury. I am well aware that I suck... and can be a real pain in the ass to be around. But even that isn't enough to make me stop. So in the end.. even I am irritated with me. I guess what it all boils down to... is I HATE BEING CRAZY!!!!