My Mom

It's inevitable. As teenagers we never truly appreciate our parents, we treat them like shit and think we are the victims. Then we grow up. This was most definitely the case with my mom. When I look back now, I can not believe how rude and disrespectful I was to her. There were years when we couldn't have a conversation without it ending in yelling and door slamming. Now, I have no idea what I would do without her.
Last year, when I was hospitalized for 6 days, she hopped the first flight out to be with me. She stayed at my house and took care of my dogs, even letting them sleep with her despite the fact that she isn't what you would call a "dog lover". Not only did she take care of my dogs, but she took care of me. I don't know how I would have made it through without her.
And in the year since then, she has been an amazing outlet for me, always listening to my concerns, my craziness, the new problem that has popped up. She offers me advice, listens to me cry, assures me that I am going to get through this, tells me how strong I am, encourages me to keep fighting.
Sometimes, unfortunately, I think it takes these kind of life changing events for us to realize the amazing people we have in our lives. Today, I feel lucky to have a Mom who is an inspiration, a rock, a friend, an encourager, a healer, a constant support.
If I am ever a mom... I hope I can do as good a job for my child, as she has done for me.

The Worst Mom Ever!

Let's face it... I am the worst mom ever. I was gone for 9 days. Then I came home to my babies for only 8 days and now I am preparing to leave again... FOR 18 DAYS!!! My poor babies. I feel awful, the guilt is eating away at me. And what's worth, they are treating me like a queen... showering me with love and affection. If they were upset I left them for days on end, they certainly aren't acting like it. But what about when I do it to them again. I have never left them alone for this long. I can't bear the thought of them hating me when I return!! They are my boys, my babies. They soothe me when I have had a bad day. They are always there for me. All they want to do, is be there for me. Their love is unconditional. They... are my dogs. If you have them, you understand. They are your babies. And right now, I feel like the worst dog mom ever!!!

Paybacks are a BITCH!

If you are anything like me, over the years, you have come to realize what a pain in the ass you used to be. (Yes, I used the past tense and I meant past tense. If you think I'm bad now, you should have seen me then!) I spent the majority of my teenaged years pouting, picking fights and causing problems. Especially for my mom. We couldn't have a conversation without screaming, crying and slamming doors. I look back at now with embarressment at how much grief and how many headaches I must have caused her. But, I also realize now that there are so many things I must have just tucked away, so many rude comments, things I never should have said, that I decided were not worth remembering. Luckily my mom has not forgotten. And every once in a while, she whips one out... just to remind me of what a stubborn, selfish, bitch I was. This one... well... this one may take the cake. The conversation goes like this...
Mom: So I was out to dinner with my book club... you know my new book club I'm in. (Before we go any farther, let me point out I'm from Minnesota and yes my mom has the accent!! Read it again, be sure to stress the vowels!!!)
Me: Uh huh. (Truthfully I don't remember, but sometimes it's just better to play along!)
Mom: One of the ladies was talking about her son who is getting ready to go to college and he is so stressed out he has actually broken out in hives. Can you believe it? You remember how stressed out you were trying to make college decisions???
Me: Not really.
Mom: You don't? You were a real pain. I mean I remember at one point telling you that you didn't have to go to college right away. You could take a year off and figure things out. And do you remember what you said to me?
Me: No, Mom... (Say it again, really exasperated... because that's how I did it.--Sidebar: Maybe I am still a big bitch??!!!)
Mom: You don't?
Me: No, Mom... (Even more exasperated... the point of frustration. Is this going anywhere?--Sidebar: It's official... I am still a bitch. See this is why I do this, it's like looking in a mirror. How do you people put up with me?)
Mom: You said to me, "I'm going to college Mom. I'm going to make something out of myself, unlike you!"
Me: Silent (And if you know me, speechless is never an issue.)
Me: (Finally) I said that?
Mom: Yes, you said that.
Me: I totally don't remember that. (Stammering) I'm so sorry Mom. Wow! I was a really big bitch.
Mom: It's okay. It did get you moving though. You started making decisions. (She laughs, maybe after 27 years of dealing with me, that's all you can do... laugh???)
Mom: I told my friend she might want to try it though. It worked for you.

Unbelievable huh?? It's amazing how easy it is to forget the horrible things you do or say, especially to the people who love you the most. That my friends is why I have always said if I ever have children, no girls. I know I will get one just like me. And there is no way I would make it through a mini-me. At least one of us wouldn't make it through. It's also why I think my mom has always hoped I would have a girl... because we all know, as the saying goes... Paybacks are a Bitch. (Just like I used to be!)