Living in fear

For 3 weeks I was living in fear... in fear of this thing that can creep up with no warning... and if you are not paying enough attention, take over in an instant. This thing that can lay dormant for days or weeks, or at any moment decide to take you life. This thing that I have battled and beat once before. Would the odds be in my favor yet again? For 3 weeks I was living in fear of another blood clot. You see, it is all about the thickness of my blood. It is a very delicate process. When they did surgery on my ankle, they had to thicken up my blood or I could have bled out on the table. But then after surgery, we had to, as quickly as possible, get my blood back to the right "thinness" so that I am not at risk of clotting, because you are most at risk of clotting when you are immobilizing a part of your body. The blood is naturally not going to circulate as well in that area, making it easier for a clot to form. Add to that the fact that I have a clotting disorder, a mutation that makes my blood more susceptible to clots. And then on top of that.. throw in the fact that this same situation was how I got my last clots. Only then we didn't know. Now we know... and now we know what we have to do... get my blood back to the right thinness. But for whatever reason, my blood is not thinning quickly enough. I have shots in my stomach twice a day for a week to cover me. That is supposed to be long enough for my blood to thin, but it is not. For 3 weeks, once a week I go to get tested and then wait for days for the phone call, the call that I hope will give me some peace of mind, the call that will tell me my blood is "theraputic"... that's what they call it when it's thin enough. But for 3 weeks it is bad news... still to thick... still at risk. For 3 weeks I worry, what if I have a clot under my cast and I just can't see the symptoms? What if the pain is from the clot not the ankle break? What if I don't pick up on it? I don't want to be back in the hospital. And what are the odds that I could walk around with another blood clot.. and not do major damage? For 3 weeks I was living in fear... and then... I got the news I was waiting for... therapeutic. It doesn't mean I can't get a clot, but it does mean my chances are a lot lower. They are the chances I will have to live with for the rest of my life... I have a clotting disorder... but at least for now... it looks like I have dodged a bullet.