Never Enough

Do you ever feel like you are just plain never enough? Never good enough? That is how I have been feeling at work lately. I work my ass off. I give 110% every day. I come to the table with ideas. I care... about my performance, and the overall outcome. But still it seems to not be enough. And every day I feel like it is something. Everyday I wake up feeling like, "It is a new day," and then I get to work and within hours my good mood is crushed. From a boss who I feel like hates me and is constantly targeting me and picking on me, to a manager I barely know telling me my foul language is out of control and I am a "poor representation" of our company. And then there is the fact that I am the only one losing in the ratings in our early show. All of it just makes me feel like shit. Especially because I do care so much, not only about my job, but being good at it and respected. And worse yet, all of my major health issues have returned. I have insomnia, migraines and anxiety attacks... things I went for months without having to deal with. Problems I was thinking I was finally getting over and then with a snap of the fingers I am right back where I began. Is this how my life is always going to be? When times get tough, I am going to have to deal with all this extra bullshit too? I'm snapping, crabby, I can't be any fun to be around or talk to. I feel bad for my friends and especially my boyfriend who gets the brunt of my bitchiness. I just don't know what to do to make it better. Everyone says just hang on. You just hang on. I'm busy going crazy. Everyone says it will get better, but when? Because in the meantime I am so unhappy it hurts. And I feel like everything I do to try to make it better, come to work over-prepared, with tons of ideas, just ends up blowing up in my face because no one really gives a shit. And I still get snapped at. I guess the bottom line is... at least right now... if there is a light at the end of this tunnel, I must be blind.