I am so mad at you

I am so mad at you. I needed you so badly... and you weren't there. I left you a message, sobbing, pleading for you to call me and you didn't. Not that night, not the next day. You even texted me asking me to call you that night... and then when I did, not only did you not answer, but you didn't even call me back. I have never experienced what I experienced that night. I needed you.. and you couldn't be bothered to be there for me. I don't care why. I don't care what your excuse is, because I know it is not good enough. After all I have done for you, all the times I have been there for you, you couldn't be there for me when I needed you most. I'm so mad at you.

Penis Envy

So I'm out with a couple of my girlfriends... and they have had a few (too many). I am still on my restricted drinking plan (i.e. way too sober!- but hey, at least I'm drinking at all!!!) So anyway, one of my girlfriends says that this guys that she is "seeing" has sent her a very inappropriate picture (he is out of town right now). So, of course I want to see it. I doesn't take much cajoling. She's drunk and well, I am very convincing. So she shows us his rock hard penis, fully erect. Nice picture. But all it makes me think is... WTF. I have been in a long distance relationship for months... I have sent pleanty of dirty pictures... we have our fair share of phone sex, but I have yet to receive a penis picture from my BOYFRIEND. And this little... I don't even know what to call him... of hers, is already giving it up. Once again... WTF? So of course, when I talk to my boyfriend on my way home that night I ask... WTF? He insists he has offered numerous times and I have shot him down. What???? Me turn down dick? We all know that does not happen. So I make it perfectly clear that I want a fully erect penis picture ASAP!
So this morning... my text message alert goes off... and I see it's from him. I can hardly contain my excitement!!! I open it up to a fully hard penis picture. Ahhh!!! Life is fair again. Under the picture... he has written "Good Morning Wood!" Funny... cute... great sex... and he loves me... man I'm lucky!!
So I call him immediately and say "I can not believe you just sent me a picture of your penis. That is so inappropriate."
"You told me to", he protests (I can hear him getting irritated)
"I would never say such a thing", I respond, before I burst out laughing. Then I tell him how much I love it!!!
So I was telling my girlfriend about the whole story this morning, and she said... it's funny. Some women get jealous when their friends get flowers or gifts from boys... you get upset over penis pictures. That's right... I guess I just have penis (picture) envy!!!