"Easy" Happy Birthday

My day... the day dedicated just to me... Yet all day I felt like shit. I felt neglected, alone, dismissed, forgotten. All around me there were birthday parties for everyone else. People were being celebrated, loved ones planned great get-togethers for everyone else's birthday. But there was nothing for me. I could have gone to all of these other people's birthdays, but then what... I would be the birthday girl crashing someone else's party? I would be the girl trying to steal someone else's thunder? I would be the one who needed to ride on someone else's party coat-tail's because I had none of my own?? I got so many birthday text messages and facebook messages... but it got me thinking. Do we live in a world of technology that allows us to be "easy" friends? I mean how easy is it to shoot a text or a facebook note to a friend wishing them a "happy birthday". I got dozens of them. But none of them came with a "what are you doing for your birthday tonight?" "I really want to celebrate with you." Only two people, only two really good friends made it a priority to say they wanted to see me today. And one went as far as to say she would do whatever the hell I wanted, just to make sure that I could have a celebration. Am I just being a complete bitch? Am I expecting too much? Asking for too much? I guess I just feel like birthdays are supposed to be really special. I have always felt that way. I have always made it a priority to be there, to celebrate, to plan something really nice and special for my friends and family on their birthdays. But I just didn't feel like anyone stepped up this year to do that for me. It was disappointing. And depressing. On top of the fact that I had to work on my birthday. Something that I shouldn't have had to do, but because of my recent schedule change, made a necessity. I had been looking forward to having this birthday off for a long time, since I usually always have to work on my birthday and am never able to take it off. I think realizing that I had to work today, just brought back all of the feelings of why I am in this position to begin with. I also thought that one of my best friends forgot my birthday, because I had talked to her numerous times in the past few days and she hadn't mentioned anything. In the end, when I got home, there was flowers with a nice card from her. But all day I felt very disappointed and let down. On top of it all, I'm PMS-ing... which doesn't help anything. But I guess the bottom line is, I wish someone would have planned something for me, made me a priority. And by today... it was just too late. My feelings were already hurt, I was already depressed and I already felt let down. Maybe I'm just a pouter... but I guess that's what I am. I just know how special birthdays are... and how special birthdays should be treated. Maybe 30 will be better....

We got problems

You know when we got problems??? The minute you start lying to me. What do I look like? An idiot?? You know what my favorite part is though?? Finding the receipt, time-stamped at 4:30pm and getting a super excited call from you at 5:15pm about your new job prospect... so you promise me we're gonna have a great night, you aren't gonna be drunk. You actually said that, word for word. And then I get home and find a completely different you. And when I question you about it, what do you do? Throw a temper tantrum, like a spoiled little brat. Refuse to answer my questions, instead you stomp upstairs at 8:30pm and say you are going to bed.
More like passing out. Whatever. Fuck you. And fuck your lying too. You wanna know what the saddest part is, I'm not even that angry... not at all surprised. I'm just so fucking disappointed. But right now, I'm trying to figure out who I am disappointed in... you for lying to me or me for putting up with you. It won't last long... I promise you that. I'll figure it out soon. This numb feeling will wear off and I'm sure I'll start to feel the pain. And then, you better watch out.