Grandma??

So as I previously mentioned, I have a ghost, whom I've come to believe is my Grandma. Well today I think she may have turned off my alarm clock. You see, I know I set it and I know it went off, because I hit snooze once like I always do and then nothing. So, then I woke up totally late and my alarm clock was off. So one of two things happened, either I turned it off in my sleep (which is kind of difficult to do since you have to slide this button and I had already woken up because it went off once) or my Grandma the ghost decided I needed more rest and turned it off for me. It seems like a Grandma thing to do. And you know they say one of the only way ghosts can make their presence know is through electronics. Listen, I'm not saying for sure it happened, but I'm just throwing it out there. But the day I come home and there is fresh baked cookies in the oven... I will know for sure Grandma was at work... damn she made the best cookies. Love you Grandma... where ever you are!

Take That!

So as previously mentioned... I am reading this amazing book called The Survivors Club by Ben Sherwood, and when you get to the end, you have the opportunity to go online and take a survivors profile test, essentially a test to tell you what type of survivor you are, what your skills are, what you do well when tested. So tonight I did it. And these are my results....

Your Survivor Type: FIGHTER


Your Survivor IQ tells you precisely which kind you are. After analyzing your answers, it’s clear that you’re a Fighter. To deserve this description, you don’t have to punch like Muhammad Ali or refuse to surrender like John McCain. While fighters come in every size and shape, they share one critical trait: They attack adversity head on with purpose and determination. Against any odds, they’re driven to succeed and won’t stop till they achieve their goals. When you’re a Fighter, you never stop attacking. Even at your lowest, you still find a way to bounce back and counterpunch. You have a passion for life and seize every day with zest and zeal. You’ve got the willpower and determination to struggle, resist and overcome even in the face of formidable opposition. Maybe you’re courageous and brave. Maybe you’re aggressive and competitive. Maybe you’re stubborn and unyielding. No matter, you get pumped up by the heat of battle. You push yourself to be the best. You’re motivated by a sense of purpose or a calling greater than yourself. You’re here on earth for a reason that’s worth real sacrifice. You’re resilient, tenacious and often feel stronger because you’ve endured hardship in the past. When you get knocked down, you bounce back again. You’re indomitable, psychologically tough and you can endure more physical pain and suffering than most. You keep going when others have given up and you battle to the very end. Above all, you’re a Fighter.

I have to tell you, I'm pretty proud. I'm happy to be a fighter, happy to know I have what it takes to overcome life's obstacles. I think this was just what I needed. After all that I have been through, from the feeling crazy and unaccepted, to the physical pain, to the things you can't possibly try to explain... it's nice to know that, at least this IQ test thinks I'm tough. After all off that, I think I lost a lot of my confidence, in who I was as a person and what I had to offer. So it was really inspirational for me to read that I am a fighter. I may have been through a lot... but I have and will come out on top, because the bottom line is I will never give up. It's all things I could have told you about myself without blinking a year ago, but now I question everyday. It's just good to hear someone still believes I got a little fight left in me.

My Roomie...

So, I have a new roommate. She is never in the way, doesn't eat my food, in fact it's almost like she isn't even here. The bad news, she is not paying rent. But I guess that's understandable since my new roommate is a ghost. Before you write me off as crazy, (which we both know I kind of am) just hear me through. You see, I have a bedtime routine. I lock up, turn off all the lights downstairs and then the boys and I head up stairs to get ready for bed. Two mornings in a row, I came downstairs to find my kitchen light on (a big 4 track light). There is absolutely no way I forgot to turn it off. In fact the second night I actually thought about it when I was turning the light off. I didn't put much thought into it, until I was driving home from work and it hit me. Ghosts can manipulate electronics and often use those to let us know they are around. OMG... I HAVE A GHOST. I don't feel threatened or scared at all. So obviously my ghost is of the Casper-kind. The next thing I thought about was who could my ghost be. I live in a brand new townhouse, so obviously the ghost isn't tied to the building, so it must be tied to me. After some thought about who would want to be looking in on me from the afterlife, I came to my grandma. She was the sweetest little old lady. But in the end, she suffered from dementia and had no idea who we were. So I think it would make sense that now, in her afterlife, where she has her mind back, that she would want to come check in on her grandchildren. I welcome her visit. In fact, it's kind of nice to know someone is looking out for me and loving me from above. Maybe she'll put in a good word for me. We all know I'm not getting through those pearly gates unless there is some serious bribing... or breaking and entering going on!!
So... do you think I'm crazy for believing in the ghost thing?
Do you have a ghost story of your own??

To Medicate or Not Medicate...

...that is the question??? So the other day I went to see my therapist, originally with the plan to try to convince him that I should try to ween off my medications. But that plan was blow to bits the minute they decided to do layoffs at my work and for a week straight I was a crazy mess again... insomnia, migranes and anxiety attacks galore. So, I had to re-think my plan. Perhaps now is not the best time for me to be cutting back on the meds. But I did ask if this was how my life was always going to be, anytime I got super stressed my "craziness" was going to take over. Basically, my therapist said he couldn't really answer that. But that he has absolutely no problem with the amount of medications that I am on and doesn't think I should worry about that. Instead, I should be focused on just feeling good today... tomorrow and the day after. That got me thinking. Why was I so anxious to get off my medications? It's obvious I need them. And then it hit me. I have heard from numerous people that believe that since I started taking medication, I have become a different person. That's what was driving me... but I need to do what is best for me. My therapist told me medicating is like religion and politics, people have very strong views about whether it is right or wrong. I was talking to my mom about it all later, one of the people who had said she noticed a change in me, and she said she didn't mean that it was neccessarily the medication. She felt like I had changed, but she totally understood why. I had been through a lot, a near-death experience, a life-changing disorder, mental problems that went untreated for months. The truth is, I am a different person. Whether you blame the medication, or the life experiences, it doesn't change the fact that this past year has forever changed me. I'm pretty sure I can't ever go back to the person I was before. I just have to learn how to be the best person I can be now. And for me... at least for now... that includes medications... like it or not.