THE PLACE

It's that heart aches... can't stop smiling... feeling like I'm floating place. The can't stop thinking about him... talking about him... wondering what he's doing place. The can't wait to hear his voice... love talking to him... can't hang up the phone place. The I can say anything... do anything... and he'll still be there place. The can't imagine my life without him... don't want to imagine my life without him... can't wait to spend the rest of my life with him place. The place where he makes me feel beautiful... happy... safe. The I've never felt this way before... didn't know it was possible to feel this way... never want to lose this feeling place. The he makes me love and appreciate myself more place. The he makes me want to be a better person place. The place where he is my heart and my soul. The place I dreamed about... and wished one day I could get to. The place you hear people talk about... but have no idea what it is like until you are there too. The place every woman deserves to be... treasured... valued... respected... honored... truly loved. It does exist... don't ever give up... until you find THE PLACE.

Nearly Naked

You know that dream, we've all had it, where all of a sudden you realize everyone is starring at you, because you are completely naked, exposed... with no where to hide?? What if that were not a dream... instead a reality? You were caught... nearly naked. Someone I know well recently experienced that for herself... we'll just call her "R". I'm sure you are wondering where... and how. So let me start by saying R did this to herself. Still, as I understand, it is a very interesting experience. You see, R decided to get painted. Think Hugh Hefner Playboy Party painted. You know... topless... with only a layer of paint between you and the world. You may be asking why? According to R, it seemed like a once in a lifetime experience, something she would never get the opportunity to... or think about doing again. And it seemed harmless. After the paint job, R tromped around... topless... for a couple of hours in a crowd of thousands of people. Let's just say it got some attention. Which R said at first was okay, but then became kind of wierd. People were starring, pointing, taking pictures and asking to take pictures with R. It was like a little window into the life of a celebrity. After the initial adrenaline rush wore off... R said it kind of felt like an intrusion, a little too much like being exposed. Not that she regrets doing it, or the experience... but it is interesting. You may think you would never do it... or that it is no big deal, but I think it is only after you experience it yourself, that you will truly know how you will feel. Bottom line, I believe in order to pull off something like tromping around with only a layer of paint keeping peering eyes from "the girls", you need to be incredibly comfortable with yourself, your body, and love being in the spotlight. For some people nearly naked is the perfect position... for others, it is simply over-exposed.

I Hate Crazy!

I hate being angry. I hate being irritated. I hate anxiety. But most of all, I hate that I can't control it... any of it. It is the most frustrating feeling ever! Have you ever felt your self getting irritated and irrational? Have you ever felt yourself teetering on the edge of the crazy mountain... realizing you were about to tumble over the side and still not being able to stop it? As if crazy, angry, over-the-top emotions weren't enough... now I can't even find a way to get it in check. It's enough to make a crazy person, crazier! I feel bad for the people that have to deal with me. Especially those who are closest to me, because, inevitably, I end up taking it out on them. And I can see myself doing it... but still I can't stop it. It's like I'm watching my crazy life on tv... I'm watching myself be a bitch to everyone around me. I'm watching me flip out about the littlest thing. I'm watching me get irritated over nothing. And as much as I want me to get it together... I just can't make me do it. I think having the ability to see myself clearly is way worse. You know those people who are annoying but have no idea? Those people who are obnoxious, but think everyone likes them? The people who think they are hilarious, but really they are offensive? Those people are lucky. At least they can continue living their life in their own little "I rock" bubble. I, on the other hand, don't have that luxury. I am well aware that I suck... and can be a real pain in the ass to be around. But even that isn't enough to make me stop. So in the end.. even I am irritated with me. I guess what it all boils down to... is I HATE BEING CRAZY!!!!

A New Breed of Woman..

I'm not June Cleaver. Your dinner will not be waiting on the table. I will not wait at the door to kiss you goodbye every morning. And there will be no packed lunches. You won't ever catch me in a flowery apron and I don't sing while I clean. When you describe me, "sweet" will not be the first word out of your mouth. And your wish... will never be my command. I am strongwilled... independent and capable. I want more in life than to be someone's girlfriend... caretaker... wife. I have goals and aspirations... and none of them include learning how to cook!! And I know I am not alone... so I think it is time we all realize that there is a new breed of woman. The kind of woman who wants it all... and isn't afraid to go after it. The kind of woman who takes on anyone who gets in her way. The kind of woman who will never say... do... or be... exactly what you want. With me, what you see is what you get. Don't expect any more... or any less!

I had a blood clot...

So... I was visiting my parents and so we were going to have dinner with some friends of theirs and my mom says to me "We're having dinner with R and M. You remember M right? You were such a bitch when you met her the first time." My response... "I had a blood clot." To which my mom said "Like a year later!" She is right, of course, but I have decided I should get to use it as a standard excuse for anything and everything. "You cut in line!- I had a blood clot." "You interrupted me.- Hello... blood clot!!" "You are totally overreacting.- Ever heard of a life threatening thing called a blood clot??" Listen, here's what I know about my blood clot. It has been nothing but bad news. All at once everything was taken away from me... no more smoking, no drinking, daily blood thinners, no birth control, killer cramps and now I'm crazy. So bottom line, I've decided to find something good out of the shitty situation I faced. It's like my get out of jail free card... get out of being a bitch free card... get out of trouble free card. It's my response to all my past, present and future indescretions. Now I wonder how I can use it to get out of that photo radar ticket...

Forever Friend

If you are lucky at some point in your life you will find a forever friend. You know, the kind of friend who you know will always be there for you. The kind of friend you can always count on. The kind of friend who no matter how long it has been since your last conversation, you feel like you haven't missed a thing... like you haven't skipped a beat. My forever friend is JJ. She is and always has been my rock. We are so different, and so alike all at the same time. She has taught me so much about who I am and who I want to become. There is no one else on this earth who knows me like she does. There is no one who can give me quite the same advice, because she knows and understands me on a whole different level. We don't talk nearly enough, we only see each other a couple of times a year, but it makes no difference. She will be my friend forever... she is my forever friend.