JUST STOP

STOP TELLING ME THAT THIS IS A GREAT OPPORTUNITY.
STOP TELLING ME THAT WHEN ONE DOOR CLOSES, ANOTHER OPENS.
STOP TELLING ME THAT THIS HAPPENS TO EVERYONE.
STOP TELLING ME THAT THIS IS JUST WHAT I NEEDED.
STOP TELLING ME THAT EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OKAY.
STOP TELLING ME THAT SOMEDAY I AM GOING TO LOOK BACK ON THIS AND REALIZE IT IS ONE OF THE BEST THINGS THAT HAPPENED TO ME.
JUST STOP...
I know you all are just trying to help... but it is not working. I am mad... sad... hurt. I feel disrespected, unappreciated, misunderstood. I am angry... ashamed... depressed. I can't eat... can't sleep... can't stop thinking about it. A huge part of my world... a part that I worked so hard for, that I was so committed to, that I was so proud of, that I was passionate about, that I loved... has been crushed... and a part of my heart has been crushed with it. Maybe someday I will be able to feel like you all want me to feel now, maybe someday I will be able to look back on this and see the good.. but for now... all I see and feel is pain. For now, I know that someday is nowhere near. Most days, I have to drag myself out of bed and plaster on a plastic smile just to make it through. Most days I have to give myself a pep talk every hour just so I won't cry. Most days I have to remind myself that I am a good person and that I am good at what I do. And maybe someday, I will once again be surrounded by people who feel the same.

A volatile relationship...

What is a volitale relationship?? Is it a good thing?? A bad thing?? Perhaps a little bit of both. I know when you take the word volatile on its own.. it has negative connotations. But I can't help but think I kind of have a volatile realationship and I don't neccessarily think it is a bad thing. Let me explain... first of all... I am completely in love... with an amazing man who loves me just as much. But as anyone who knows me will tell you... I am also a very passionate, very emotional person. That means when you piss me off, hurt me feelings, etc... it doesn't just slide off my back. I, for good or bad, found myself a man who, for a man, is emotional too. He is sensitive to criticism... and people not supporting him or having his back. Sometimes, our emotions collide... sometimes we have a volitale relationship. We yell... not name-calling or in a mean/hurtful way, but we yell! Sometimes we pout and shut each other out for a period of time. We do fight hard.... but we also make up hard... and we are learning to communicate well with each other. And more importantly than that... I think it all stems from the fact that we love each other so much. Are we volatile?? At times.. yes... but... in the end... we are always loving each other... always there for each other. In the end... we are each other's best friends, partners-in-crime, he is the love of my life. Do we fight hard... hell yeah! But we make up quickly... learn something about each other... and move on. Maybe it's volitale. But I wouldn't trade it in for anything!!!