My best friend....

My best friend... for a long time.... it was cigarettes. The tempting nicottine that was always there for me. It was a friend I could always count on, a friend that never betrayed me and always had my back. That is until he tried to kill me. Then I had to drop him... in a hurry. Now, it seems, I have found a new best friend, the only one I can really count on in my life right now, the one who is there for me when I need him, the only one who doesn't have his own "shit" or "plans" or "alterior motives"... it's alcohol. I know I have high standards, but are they so high that only addictive behaviors will do?? I know I'm not always the easiest person to deal with, but is this what my life has become?? I know I'm not an alcoholic.. I don't eat, breathe and sleep alcohol. I don't have to have it every day, but I am depending more and more on it. It has become more and more important to me as a tool to get by, my best friend that I rely on to get through the end of today and face tomorrow. I wish more than anything I had a person that I could really rely on, that could take this evil place. And I hope that is my future very soon.... until then... cheers.

A Hilarious First

A first for me!!! Let's face it... it doesn't happen very often for me (I'm kinda one of those been there, done there kinda girls!!) So I get super excited to do something new... and let's just say this last adventure did not disappoint.
Yes... I have a bucket list. I decided to make it early in life... and add all along the way, making sure that I am always pushing myself to do different things. So one of the things that has been sitting on my list for at least a year... going to a comedy show. Then I heard Chelsea Handler, star of one of my favorite late night talk shows and author of a book I'm reading right now, was coming to Phoenix. I had to go!! I easily found two girlfriends to accompany me... and we were off. I was hoping to be entertained... but I got that... and so much more!!
First... Heather, Long-boobs, camel-toe opened. She was hilarious in her own way (If you don't watch Chelsea Lately... at least for the round tables at the beginning of the show... you are totally missing out!!)
And then came Chelsea!!! I know that she is supposed to be a raging alcoholic... who loves to fuck... sometimes really wierd guys... at least until she got her new boyfriend (who she calls the "silver fox") and I have heard is the head of E! which is why she got a show. P.S. I don't really care why she got a show... she is fucking hilarious... she should have one!! So anyway... this whole drinking thing. As a loyal Chelsea Lately viewer I can tell you she is not drunk while she tapes the show... the same however is not true for her comedy shows. She was definitely drunk... except she could still do her show... and make me laugh so hard my stomach hurt. Do they call that "functioning alcoholic"??? If so, I say function away... she cracked me up. On stage... she had two water bottles and glass with a stray and a lemon... I can only assume vodka and soda accompanied it! (Correct me if I'm wrong Chelsea!!!) Whatever it was, it doesn't matter. Her show was everything I wanted and more. Totally inapporpriate... a lot about sex... with a little something else thrown in. I laughed so hard I cried, nearly peed my pants... and seriously felt like I had been doing sit-ups for hours. My first comedy show... definitely a success... I may be addicted now... who's next?!!

The Pursuit of drunkiness...

Before you just decide that I must be some alcoholic... I must have some problem, let me explain. You see, I have not had a sip of alcohol in 3 months, 3 weeks and 1 day (but who's counting, right??) My new sober lifestyle is certainly not by choice... hence my current state... the pursuit of drunkiness. Maybe I'm getting ahead of myself. It was 3 months, 3 weeks and 1 day ago that I learned I had a blood clot the size of Texas growing in my left leg (nicknamed by my friend "R" Big Daddy). But Big Daddy wasn't alone... two of his little friends had broken off and traveled to my right lung (dubbed Bert & Ernie). Consequently, I ended up in the hospital for 6 days and things in my life changed drastically! Immediately I had to quit smoking, stop taking birth control pills and start blood thinners (by IV while I was in the hospital, pills now that I'm out). And those blood thinners mean no drinking!! It's a situation that has definitely changed my life... and made me crazy. Sometimes I wonder if I really do have a problem. Because otherwise, why is this not drinking thing so difficult. But then I think it's really more than that. It's that so many things I was dependent on in one way or another, were taken away from me... all at the same time. It's enough to drive anyone crazy. So back to my pursuit of drunkiness... I feel like my goal these days... is to just make it through, get healthy and hurry up and make it to the point in my life where I can start drinking again. The point where I no longer have to be on these blood thinners. I look at that day as the day that I'll be able to go back to that comfortable life I had before I almost died. I truly believe on that day I will no longer be crazy. Is that really going to happen?? I don't know... maybe it's wishful thinking. But it's all I have right now. It's the day I dream about... the day I can't wait for... the day I will be re-born and my pursuit of drunkiness... will end!