Great Heart-break

Heart-break. I used to think it was the most horrible thing ever. Something no one should have to, or want to go through. I have a new outlook now. Because now, you see, I believe there are two kinds of heart-break. The kind you get when you just found out that your asshole husband has been cheating on you with women all over the country, even using the same line he used to make you fall in love with him, on another chick. And then, kind of heart-break I am experiencing. My bleeding heart is a self-imposed pain... and it is actually good. Stay with me. You see, I was lucky enough to find the love of my life. Not just someone I love, someone that gives me butterflies, makes me laugh when it doesn't seem possible, hugs me in just the right way, knows what I am thinking even before I do, is always looking out for me, makes me feel like I am THE most important and beautiful woman in the world. The kind of love I think just about everyone is looking for, but few find. I consider myself lucky, everyday I thank (insert your religious holy one) for giving him to me. But as we all know, nothing is perfect. Our obstacle happens to be an ocean... a big fucking shark infested ocean. Two seperate lives, two sets of friends, two sets of responsibilities, two different careers we have both worked extremely hard for. After 4 months and 1 week (but who's counting) we were reunited... and damn did it feel so good. He spent the past three weeks here with me. I was a little worried about how it was all going to work out, would our perfect relationship over the phone, be perfect in person? ((See my previous blog: Minutes)) But it was, he fit perfectly into my world, my arms, my heart. And all it did was to make me fall more in love with him. Something I actually thought was not possible. We had three weeks of bliss... a trip to Sedona, a pu-pu party, a Suns game, a Halloween party, numerous days spent snuggling in bed, walks with the dogs, dinners with friends and my mom. It was perfect... I have no other word than perfect. And then... then the dreaded day came when he had to leave. It was like D-day. And 24 hours before, my heart started breaking. In that final day I think I slept for 2 hours and cried for 8. Even now I am crying. Being away from him just breaks my heart... in a way I could never explain to you. I feel silly actually. For my entire life, I have prided myself on being someone who could do anything, be anything, handle whatever was thrown my way... and I never needed help. I still don't need help... but after these three weeks, I realize I want it. I don't want to go to the grocery store alone, because doing it with him was so much more fun. I don't want to go to bed with no one to hold me. I don't want to walk the dogs alone, with no one to laugh with at their silly moves to get ahead of each other. I don't want to shower alone, and have to get my own towel off the rack. And right now, I don't want to have to be wiping my own tears. I can do it... but I don't want to. And hence... the heart-break.. all associated with my long distance love. This is what I have to deal with for the love of my life. And in my opinion, our relationship is way deeper than just being "in love". That is why I have to make it through the pain. So, I am heart-broken... heart-broken because I am facing yet another countdown (8 weeks and 4 days) until I can feel the love of my life again. But this is a heart-break I would never give up. I could never wish this heart-break away. This pain, pain so bad it makes me physically keel over, feel like I have to throw up and makes me want to rip my heart out. This pain is all part of a great heart-break. A heart-break I can only hope will end with me and my love... together forever.